


Fractures

by HeartBasel



Category: Vampire Academy Series - Richelle Mead
Genre: F/M, No One Sucks, Slow Burn, not too ooc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:48:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24249814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartBasel/pseuds/HeartBasel
Summary: Post-Spokane. Mason and Dimitri are gone. Rose's sole focus is being the best guardian she can. Christian doesn't know if he can spend the rest of his life at Court. Fractures appear in their lives when a new enemy reveals itself. Rose has to choose who to protect, and the decision isn't as obvious as she'd expected. Rose/Christian. Slow Burn. Not too OOC.
Relationships: Rose Hathaway/Christian Ozera
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one is going to be a slow/burn Rose/Christian which may increase in rating in the future. I should be updating regularly. It's not all planned out yet, but I'm expecting chapters of about 1,000-3,000 and 25+ chapters.

**ONE**

Rose

Rose had been waiting for this day since returning to St. Vlad's. It was the best part of the year, everyone knew it, and not even everything that had happened since her return was going to put a damper on it.

Being Lissa's guardian was all she had now, and finally, she was going to get a taste of the reality.

The field experience wasn't really anything like what being a guardian would be like. Living in Portland had been more realistic than the field experience could ever be, but she'd been young and naive then. She'd thought she was better than she was.

Spokane had taught her otherwise. She'd never be good enough that she didn't have more to learn, and the field experience was part of that learning.

Lissa deserved the best, and Rose was determined to get as close to that as possible.

She and Eddie sat side by side in the gym, the silence almost comfortable between them. Nothing felt quite comfortable since Mason, and they were all still adjusting to him not being there anymore.

Alberta got to the front and cleared her throat. She didn't need a microphone, everyone was immediately silent.

She gave her speech about the field experience and its importance, and then the names started being read.

"Eddie Castile, you have been assigned Vasilisa Dragomir."

Rose almost stood up. She almost stood up and shouted something obscene, though it would have gotten her nowhere.

Eddie gave her a worried look from her side, and she ignored him.

This was supposed to be her training, where she and Lissa reminded each other how it felt to be constantly in each other's company. Where she honed her ability not just to fight, but to always be alert, to remember that spotting the bad guy approaching was half the battle, not just being able to attack him when he got there.

And they'd taken it away from her. She was going to be with a random Moroi, where her bond would be useless, where it wouldn't be a real prequel to becoming Lissa's guardian at all.

Unless that was the reason why she was going to be given someone different. Maybe she'd messed up so badly in the decisions that had led up to Spokane they'd decided she didn't deserve to be Lissa's guardian anymore. Maybe this was where she had to learn to live with that.

And if she didn't have Lissa, didn't have the identity of her guardian, then Rose had nothing.

"I'm sorry," Eddie whispered.

She still didn't respond.

She barely even heard her own name being called.

Christian. That was at least better than someone random. She would still be around Lissa for most of the day.

So what was the point?

Why did they just give her to Lissa?

The ceremony was over and people were starting to move, but Rose was still stuck in her chair. This had completely thrown her off guard, and she'd been forcing herself to try and look forward to this, so that she was looking forward to something. Allowing herself to be optimistic that she would enjoy this.

And there wasn't much of anything to be optimistic about at the moment. Mason was dead, and she was responsible. Dimitri had left, deciding he couldn't stay at the Academy anymore, because of her.

"Rose," Eddie said. "We need to go and pick up our packets."

"I have to speak to Alberta."

"I don't think…"

"I just want to ask why," Rose squashed down her anger. Eddie hadn't earned it. He hadn't earned anything negative at all. "I promise I'm not about to get expelled for screaming at her."

She was furious, but she wasn't the same kid that thought shouting at someone was likely to get her anywhere.

Alberta still looked wary as she approached, and Rose realized she had one of the packets in her hands. "I thought you might want to talk to me about this," she said. "Let's talk about it somewhere more private."

Rose followed her into one of the offices in the sports building, and sat down opposite the head of the guardians, a desk between them.

"I understand that you'll be frustrated," Alberta said.

"I don't understand. I thought this was supposed to be a practice run for when we're real guardians, but you didn't give me Lissa." She knew her insecurity had seeped into her voice, and berated herself for it.

"There are extenuating circumstances. And don't worry, those circumstances aren't that you aren't going to be assigned to the princess after graduation." Alberta handed over the packet containing the information on her charge and her practice stake. "Just have a look."

Rose didn't need to look at most of it. She knew Christian's tragic background, his family members, and his current relationship with Lissa.

What she hadn't been expecting was the photos and letter that she found behind those.

"Shi—" she almost swore, before silencing herself.

"Extenuating circumstances," Alberta said.

The photos were unmistakable. It was Christian's mother, staring back at her. It matched the photographs in the historical part of the file to a T, but she would have been able to see Christian's features in Moira Ozera even without them. "You think these are recent?" she asked.

Strigoi didn't age. She looked exactly the same as she had when she'd turned, when Christian was nine.

"We don't know," Alberta said. "There's nothing to pinpoint the time in any of them, but they've started being sent to Christian recently. They might not be real, but someone is clearly trying to intimidate him, one way or the other."

Rose pulled out the one note that had been sent.  
_It's time for you to join me._

She shivered.

After everything that had just happened, she'd hoped that the rest of the school year might be calm. She could focus on her training, and everyone else could focus on getting on with their lives, too. Spokane had proven she wasn't good enough yet, but now one of her friends was in danger.

She and Christian had gained a level of respect and understanding since Spokane, and he was seeing Liss. By extension she would do what she could to protect him.

She'd just wanted to be better by the time that was tested.

"I see." She was still annoyed, but worried, too. Why give her to Christian, and not Eddie? Eddie was just as competent as her, and she would still be with Christian most of the time even if she was guarding Lissa, but she understood now.

Someone was threatening Christian, and though she doubted it was his mom brought back from the dead, he did need someone watching over him.

"He hadn't mentioned it," she said. "Lissa doesn't know." She hadn't known, either.

How could he have not mentioned this to her?

"I know," Alberta said. "Headmistress Kirova has asked him to keep it to himself for now, until we can verify exactly how real this threat is. We don't want anyone else to find out until we can assess whether the school is at threat as a whole."

"You're asking me to lie to Lissa?"

"I'm asking you to maintain your confidentiality as a guardian."

"I'll guard Christian, but I'm not lying to Lissa about why." She might not have Lissa in the field experience, but she was Lissa's guardian. She wasn't doing anything that might hurt her charge. "Lissa isn't going to tell anyone, but she has to know, and Christian has to tell her." She cleared her throat, realizing she'd strayed into insolence. "I understand," she said. "But they're together, and she knows how to keep her mouth shut."

Alberta gave a slight nod. "I'm not going to be able to convince you to stay quiet anyway." Her lip quirked. "Good luck with the field experience, Rose. I know you're still angry, but having to guard a Moroi you don't have a bond with is important practice. I would have been doing this regardless of the extenuating circumstances."

Of course she'd only said that after Rose had calmed down enough to accept the situation.


	2. Chapter Two

**TWO**

Christian

Christian pushed his spoon through his yogurt, not eating it.

"It's not a big deal," Liss said, not even putting on the impression she was eating hers. Her eyes bored into him, and he forced himself to look at her.

"It is a big deal. What I'm telling you is that it's a big deal to me."

"It's never more than a couple of hours, maximum."

He hated having to have this conversation with her. The last thing he wanted was to cause arguments, but this had been eating away at him since, and during, the ski lodge, and he couldn't keep ignoring it. The last couple of times he'd tried to bring it up, she'd dismissed it like this, too.

"Being part of royal life is an entire lifestyle, even if we're not constantly around them all the time. It's not just the balls and dinners and networking that I have an issue with."

"Christian." She gripped his hands, and his face softened. Sometimes he wondered if she was using compulsion on him. His resolve crumbled a little. The last thing he wanted to do was fight with her, even if the second they weren't in each other's company, the doubts came flooding back. "We'll still be going to college, we'll still live on our own. You don't have to come to all the dinners and events. Just some of them. Just accept that they're going to be part of my life."

"Okay," he said. The cafeteria was the last place for this conversation anyway, really.

Right now he was happy to just have her hand warm and small on his, and her sweet affectionate smile directed at him.

His emotions had always been chaotic, but Liss had managed to calm him down, to stop him being so reckless, to show him that he didn't always have to be on the defensive. These notes from his mom, or from someone pretending to be his mom, had threatened all of that.

He didn't want to go back to being someone who lashed out at everyone, or someone that people hurled abuse at for no reason. Lissa protected him from all of that.

So they might not have exactly the same goals in life. They could get past it. He could get past it.

Eddie and Rose came in then, and that cut the conversation short anyway. Christian knew that Rose would be with Lissa, and that was good for all of them.

So he was surprised when they both approached the table. They'd given Eddie to him? Maybe they were taking the threats more seriously than he thought. He supposed asking him to keep it a secret showed they were scared in the first place.

It had been easier than he thought. Liss would only worry, and he didn't want the sympathy that would come along with it. He was expecting Guardian Petrov to call him in at some point and explain it was some royal kid who thought he was being funny and it had been resolved. Liss had enough on her plate without his issues.

If he was being honest with himself, he mostly didn't want the fuss.

Rose sat beside him. "Looks like we're stuck with each other for six weeks," she said, gesturing to the packet on the table, his own picture looking up at him.

"Wow," he said, genuinely surprised. "Really?"

"Yup."

"No amount of convincing by Rose would get Alberta to change her mind," Eddie said, putting his own packet on the table. "You've got me, I'm afraid," he said to Liss.

Liss was visibly disappointed, and she pressed her hands to her cheeks though they weren't flushed. "Sorry Eddie, don't take my disappointment personally. I'd just been expecting Rose."

Eddie laughed. "Don't worry about it. It is what it is."

Christian was still looking at the packet, and glanced at Rose.

She gave him the slightest nod. So, she knew. He wondered what she thought. How credible she thought it might be.

Still, if he was going to get stuck with a guardian during the field experience, he couldn't complain about Rose. They'd probably get on each other's nerves, but he hoped it would be good-natured. Things had changed since they'd first returned to St. Vlad's.

"Still, it's strange," Liss said. "That they wouldn't give me to you. This would be the perfect trial run."

"Alberta said I should practice with a Moroi I don't have a bond with, as a learning experience." She rolled her eyes, and looked at Christian. "Alberta also gave you permission to tell her the real reason. Or, at least I told her I'd be doing it regardless."

He felt a rush of irritation. She could have at least given him some warning before expecting him to tell Liss. He had essentially been lying to her for two weeks, after all, and now she was throwing him under the bus in the middle of the cafeteria.

Maybe it wouldn't be entirely good-natured after all.

Lissa frowned. "What do you mean?"

"It's nothing," Christian dismissed. "I'm sure it's going to be nothing, but Kirova told me I couldn't tell anyone about it, not even you." He glared at Rose. "I have no idea she was going to give me Rose during the field experience because of it. Someone has been sending me pictures of my mom with threats."

"What?"

"It's nothing serious," he downplayed again. "Someone is just playing games. Probably for the obvious reasons. They'll find out who and it'll be over with."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me."

"I wanted to, they told me I couldn't. Honestly, if I thought it was a big deal I wouldn't have listened to them." He squeezed her hand. "I'm sure it's just someone trying to mess with me."

"I think so too," Rose said. "There's nothing to suggest otherwise, but you can see why Kirova would want to keep it quiet."

"Yeah," Lissa slumped in her seat. She was going to be stung by the fact he hadn't told her for a while, and he regretted having taken the coward's way out and assuming it would all just be swept under the rug. "Still, who would do something like that? It's horrible." She reached forward and picked up the packet, looking at photocopies of the pictures and note. She visibly shivered. "That's so scary."

"How would someone even get these?" Eddie asked.

He shrugged. "There's always someone who knows someone else who can get things. Probably they're from a newspaper or something. I didn't exactly keep up with the press at the time."

"Well I'm glad that Rose is going to be your guardian until they figure it out," Lissa said, squeezing his hand once more and then putting the photos back into the bag. "She's not going to let anything happen, whether these are serious threats or not."

Christian was sure he saw Rose's expression dim a little. He wouldn't be surprised if her confidence had taken a hit after what had happened in Spokane. They were all still recovering, and none of them talked about it.

Sometimes he woke up breathing hard and so thirsty for blood it was like he was right there back in the basement.

Rose had lost a friend and although he hadn't seen her upset, she was definitely different. Less bubbly, less witty and sarcastic. He didn't see as much of her, either. She seemed to be training constantly.

Not that he minded having more time with Liss to himself, but it was clear it had all affected her, maybe the most of all.

Having her with him constantly for the six weeks of the field experience was probably going to either make or break their tenuous friendship. All he knew was that his best bet was to stay out of her business. Asking her about Spokane wasn't going to go down well, and he had no desire to talk about his own experiences, either.


	3. Chapter Three

THREE

Rose

Rose hadn't realized just how much time she was spending training until the field experience began.

She woke up two hours before Christian's alarm was set to go off every day, and spent more time in the library and cafeteria than since before her and Liss gone on the run.

Dimitri might be gone. She might not have his enticing Russian drawl encouraging her to run one more lap than the day before anymore, but her motivation hadn't left. If anything, it had gotten stronger. She had more to prove now, it had been lain bare just how lacking she still was.

So she lived in the gym, pushing her body further than it should have been pushed, in the hopes that she would be able to catch up to where she needed to be to keep Lissa safe from Strigoi.

Laying on the floor in Christian's room, waiting for him to get up and go to classes, was driving her insane.

She tried to sit and read, but she was getting even less sleep than normal and she couldn't concentrate.

Instead, her mind was left to run in vicious circles. It was taking the laps her body couldn't. And those laps consisted of wondering what she could have done differently to save Mason, of what she could have done differently to convince Dimitri to stay, to whether she would ever be worthy of guarding the Last Dragomir, whether they had a bond or not.

She sighed.

"It's hard to sleep when you're so obviously not," Christian said from above her.

"I'm not being loud."

"Yes you are."

"I sighed. It's hardly like I'm talking to myself down here."

"My hearing is better than yours."

"Get some earplugs."

He poked his head over the side of the bed and she scowled up at him. "I thought you'd be reveling in the opportunity for a lie-in."

"My body doesn't seem to believe in lie-ins anymore. Too many early mornings."

"You really normally get up this early?"

"Yes. I normally run in the morning."

"I feel like I should be generous and say we can get up three hours before class every morning so you can, but I am not willing to commit to that."

In spite of herself, she chuckled. "Don't worry, I wasn't expecting it."

She sat up, so she wasn't looking up at him anymore, and rested her back against the wall. "Do you still practice your offensive magic?"

"Even more than I used to."

She hummed. She could have expected that. It was his magic that had gotten them out of Spokane. His magic and quick thinking. He'd saved her life.

"Evenings only, though. Not even setting things on fire is getting me out of bed this early."

"Then it sounds like the earplugs are going to be your only option."

At least she would be able to get some running in while Christian was practicing his magic in the evenings, though. She was extremely concerned about keeping her stamina up after she'd spent so long getting it there in the first place.

"What do you think about the pictures?" he asked, when it had been quiet long enough she thought he was going back to sleep.

"I don't know." And she really didn't. She had to assume it was just someone trying to mess with his head, because the alternative was too out there. What were the chances that his parents had been alive all this time and only decided to get into contact now? And the guardians had killed them. They'd been reported as dead. "I think it's someone trying to mess with you. I don't know what else it could be."

"Yeah," he sounded like that was what he'd wanted to hear. "I'm sure it will be."

"Do you think they might be real?" It was the first question she'd asked Alberta.

"How could they be?"

"True," she said, though it obviously sat uneasy with both of them. They could be. However slim the chance, they could be real, and Christian's parents could be getting ready to try and snatch him away.

"Either way, Kirova clearly didn't think it was a real enough threat to ban me from going to Court for the Queen's birthday ball."

She laughed. "Clearly the Queen knows nothing about the threats, otherwise she'd be taking whatever excuse she could to make both of us stay far away."

She expected him to laugh with her, but when he didn't she leaned forward to get a look at his face. A scowl was on his face. "It would be a lot easier if she did just ban me from everything."

"That bad?" she asked. "Just tell Liss you don't want to go."

He did laugh then, but it wasn't an amused sound. "It would be a lot easier if she just said yes when I asked."

She wondered if there was anything she'd missed between Lissa and Christian recently. She'd been keeping herself away from the bond as much as possible. She wanted to focus on her training which helped, but Liss was filled with an unending positivity that could make her mood even blacker than normal sometimes.

"It'll be easier when you're living at court, she'll make closer friends with other royals, and it won't be a three-day intense trip. She'll want your company at the moment, because she'd be alone otherwise."

"You're right," he conceded. "I'm still getting used to having to do these things."

"She appreciates that you do it even though you don't want to." It was a guess, but it was an educated one.

"I told myself I wasn't going to end up treating the field experience like some kind of slumber party with heart to hearts," he joked.

She laughed. "Don't worry, I have no intention of baring my soul."

"Admitting I don't like royal functions is more than enough exposing my soul for me too. Maybe I can get some offensive magic in before class after all."

"Great. I'll put my running gear on."


	4. Chapter Four

FOUR

Christian

Going to court, as he'd expected even when he agreed to it, quickly turned from a single appearance at the function for the Queen's birthday into a packed agenda of events that Lissa had insisted on people extending an invitation to him for.

He'd suffered through the ball that was the main reason they'd been there in the first place, on the first night, but the next morning when she'd came knocking on the twin room he was sharing with Rose, urging him to get dressed because they'd been invited for dinner with a Lazar couple, his mood had darkened.

So this was how the weekend was going to go, despite the half a dozen times he'd mentioned wanting to avoid this kind of thing in the run up to it.

"You look annoyed," Rose said, coming out of the bathroom where she'd changed into a pair of black jeans and a blouse.

"I am annoyed." He ran his hand through his hair and then let it fall. "Guess I'll try and stop the no-doubt high-powered Lazar's seeing that."

He shouldn't complain to Rose, but he was starting to realize that he was used to only ever being around Lissa. There was no one else that he spent any time with one-on-one, and the temptation to be honest about his frustrations had gotten the better of him. Rose was her best friend, he shouldn't be complaining to her of all people.

"At least the food will probably be good."

"You're surprisingly optimistic."

"It's easier when it's about someone else." She made sure to smile, to show she was teasing, but he didn't doubt she was serious.

One week into the field experience, and there was nothing optimistic about Rose Hathaway anymore. It was depressing to even watch it. She made an effort around Liss, but when it was just the two of them she didn't talk or smile much at all.

He found himself trying to think of things to say to her, in the hopes it would distract her from whatever was constantly on her mind.

His determination not to get bogged down in her problems had reversed itself pretty quickly. He should have known it would, really. He'd been isolated from people for most of his life since starting at St. Vlad's, but whenever he did get close to someone, he wanted to be able to help them. And aside from Liss, Rose was probably the person he was closest to at school.

Now he was with her twenty-four-seven, and there was no doubting the fact there were things she needed fixing.

He was also pretty sure he couldn't be the one to fix them.

Breakfast with the Lazar's was everything he'd expected. The relatively young couple had fawned over Liss and when they weren't trying not to acknowledge him, made snide comments that Liss didn't seem to pick up on.

Being with Lissa had done a lot for his reputation, but that was mostly just at school. At court it was a whole other ball game. These were established royals, ones who didn't care about petty school politics, and ones who didn't yet view Liss as Queen Bee.

He'd wondered what would have happened if he'd brought up the threats he was receiving. What would they have had to say about that? Would Liss have stopped inviting him to these things if he tanked them on purpose?

But he'd kept his mouth shut. He wasn't going to do that to her.

Rose had stood at the side of the room along with several other guardians, including Eddie, and watched their table closely. Her face was completely blank, and he promised himself to ask her how to get good at that.

Eventually it was over, and Liss suggested a walk around court. Rose and Eddie hung back, and he could at least pretend they had some privacy.

"Liss you said it was going to just be the ball."

"I know, but Cara is at Lehigh at the moment and I thought you'd appreciate getting to hear some more about it, and they're around our age. You don't mind it when I talk to people at school."

"You must be able to see how little they wanted me there."

She frowned. "They weren't rude."

"Yes, they were."

"It's important for me to get to know people." She squeezed his hand. "You know that I want to be able to push for offensive magic to be accepted, and the younger people are more likely to accept it than people stuck in their ways. And your Aunt is such a big figure in that cause, people want to know about that too. They want to talk to you."

"No, they want to talk to you." He had no idea how she couldn't see it because it wasn't directed at her. Maybe she was just so used to being the center of attention that she assumed it was natural for others to fade out of the spotlight, but it was more than that. It was the curled lip the Lazar boyfriend had given him, the way he'd angled his seat away from him, had poured water for everyone else at the table except Christian.

"I think you're thinking too hard about this."

Christian glanced over his shoulder, but resisted calling Rose and Eddie into his and Lissa's fight. They'd been standing watching the whole thing, they must have seen it.

"I'm not spending a solid two days doing this stuff, so you can take me off whatever is on your schedule."

"Christian—"

"I mean it Liss, I said I wasn't going to and you've booked things anyway. People will be happier when you show up on your own."

"I want you to support me with this."

"I want to support you, but not at these things. You don't need my support, anyway. You're great on your own."

He wanted to be able to just kiss her cheek and accept it, to put a smile back on her face, but he couldn't keep backing down. He'd end up doing this for the rest of his life, and slowly going insane.

He tried to hold onto Rose's words. She would have her own friends at court soon, and she wouldn't need him to go with her. She would have plenty of other support, and he could focus on doing what he wanted to. Studying offensive magic, maybe teaching, maybe going into something else entirely.

Studying at Lehigh, a tiny campus in the middle of nowhere instead of the University of Pennsylvania. Or somewhere else entirely.

He looked away. "What is next on your calendar?" He made sure the question didn't get her hopes up that he'd be joining her.

"I'm going for a spa date. You weren't invited to that one anyway. In half an hour."

"Then I'll let you go and get ready." He gave her a peck on the lips, to let her know he wasn't angry.

"Oh. Well, I'll see you later, I suppose."

"See you later."

He walked back toward Rose. "Liss has a spa date," he said, by way of clarification. "So I guess we're on our own."

"Didn't fancy a pedicure?"

"I definitely didn't fancy one with whoever Liss is planning on having one with." He stretched and sighed. "So, what is there to do at court except network?"

"I suppose we're about to find out. I'm sure they have plenty of gyms," she teased.

"I wouldn't particularly mind punching something."

"I think I might get into trouble if I take you training in the dhampir gyms of court, unfortunately."

"Then we'll just have to find something where I can let out my frustration just as much."

They ended up at a bowling alley. It wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind, but it would do.

What he liked most about it, was that nothing about it screamed opulence. It was just a standard bowling alley, like he might have seen in the Eugene when visiting Aunt Tasha.

"Perfect."

They bought drinks and then went to their own lane at the end, putting their names in.

"I haven't bowled since Portland," Rose admitted. "And even then Lissa used to not want to go, she was rubbish at it."

"I'm sure I'll be more competition."

His frustration did disappear as they played and he found himself laughing along with Rose as they both hit more gutter balls than pins.

"You would have thought with our better reflexes we'd be great at this," she complained. "I haven't even got a spare yet never mind a strike."

They had one bowl each left, and it was neck and neck. Just one point in it.

"Well, now is not the time for you to suddenly get good."

She laughed, picked up her ball and took her shot. It got the rightmost pin, and the second ball got the leftmost pin. "Yikes," she said, looking at the mournful animation telling her she'd scored just two. "Gutterballs for you then, please."

His first was a gutterball, and he pulled a face.

They really should have been uber competitive, them being who they were, but instead this was the most relaxed he'd felt in a long time. It helped that Rose had a genuine smile on her face.

With the second ball he was tempted to gutter it on purpose, in the hopes she would keep the smile, but ruled that out pretty quickly. He gave his best shot instead.

A strike.

"No way," Rose whined. "That is too lucky. I can't believe it."

"Oh look, it means I get another go, too! I guess I've well and truly beaten you."

"Getting one lucky shot at the end means nothing," she teased back.

His final shot was another gutterball, but it didn't matter.

"I'll be getting a print out of that one," he said, taking a seat opposite her at the high table opposite the lane.

She rolled her eyes. "I guess that means we're going to have to go and do something else competitive that I'm good at next."

"It has to be something we're both bad at, otherwise it spoils the fun."

She finished her drink. "You look happier."

"I feel happier."

"Good."

"You look happier, too."

"I also feel happier."

"Then maybe what we need is a rematch. Bowling is good for our mood."

She chuckled.

"Now I don't feel like I'm going to set someone on fire over it, though, I wanted to ask you whether I was making it up. I mean, they didn't want to talk to me. The guy was making every effort to slight me when he could without being rude."

"Yeah, they were being obnoxious," she agreed. "Did Liss not see it?"

He shook his head. "She doesn't notice unless someone blatantly says something. She thinks I'm imagining it."

"I'll mention it to her next time we're alone."

"Thanks. I appreciate it." He held his tongue on saying more. They'd sworn off baring their souls, and he was intending to stick to the arrangement.

"So," he said, "Another round?"


	5. Chapter Five

FIVE

Rose

Going to sleep without a grimace on her face had been refreshing.

She'd never expected to have a fun day with Christian. They'd been bowling, had takeout, watched a movie back in their hotel room. With him, she could pretend for a little bit that she hadn't failed. It wasn't like she could be training right now, after all, and Liss was in no danger at court.

It was almost like taking a mini-vacation, and Christian did a strangely good job of making it feel that way.

She still woke up with that weight on her shoulders, though. The weight of knowing that Mason had died and Dimitri had gone, and that soon she would be supposed to look after Liss when she hadn't been able to look after another dhampir.

A knock on the door had woken her. They didn't have any reason to set an alarm at court, and the change in timezones had thrown her off.

She climbed out of her bed and went to answer the door. It was a courier, who handed her an envelope.

She accepted it with her thanks, and saw Christian's name on the front.

A weight sank in her stomach.

Christian appeared behind her and shut the door. She realized she'd frozen. He took the envelope and opened it, though she'd been about to offer to do it herself.

"We both know it's going to be another threat," he said. "There's no point pretending it's not."

He was right. There were a number of pictures in the envelope, and a note. This one had more words.

The fact you've come to court makes me think you don't think these threats are real.

The photos, as expected, were of Moira Ozera. And they all had newspapers in them. Newspapers from the past week, with human and Moroi stories.

Christian dropped them, taking a step back as if they were going to attack him themselves.

"No," he said. "No way. It can't be. They're fakes. They've got to be fakes."

"Christian." She didn't know what to do. She would have given Liss a hug, cradled her as she cried until they could start to talk about what they would do next.

He looked like he might cry, his eyes glassy as he stared at the ground and the taunting photos.

She hoped they were fakes. She hoped above anything they were fakes.

"Christian," she said again, stepping over them and blocking his view with her face. She gripped his arms. "Christian."

"She can't be alive. There's no way."

"The most important thing is that you're safe right now. We're safe and we have time to decide what to do next, to find out whether they're fake or not."

He seemed to see her properly for the first time, and wrapping his hands around her arms, too, rubbing up and down as if reminding himself she was really there. "She's supposed to be dead. It's been so many years. I'd fully accepted it. She's gone."

"We'll get to the bottom of what's happening." She couldn't reassure him by telling him if she was back they'd kill her, or promising that his mom really was dead, or that it would all be okay. "And we'll decide what to do next."

He laughed. "At least you're not attempting to tell me everything is fine."

Her smile was weak. "I don't think any of this is at all fine. We need to ring Alberta and let her know. Come on, we should get dressed." She squeezed his arms then released them, putting the photos and letter back in the envelope and putting it on her bedside table while she got dressed.

Her entire body was stiff and she struggled not to get lost in her own thoughts. She was Christian's guardian right now, and she had to be strong. She was going to take charge and make sure they took the right steps.

She could let her own insecurities about whether she'd be able to keep him safe take over later, when he couldn't see it, when it didn't matter.

"You should call Liss and let her know, too," she said, and gestured to the bedside phone. "Then I'll call Alberta afterward."

Christian tried her, but there was no answer. It was breakfast time, and she was probably already out and meeting with people.

Rose sat beside him on the bed and dialed St. Vlad's number. She didn't know how to get in touch with Alberta personally, and had to wait to be transferred.

"Rose," Alberta said, not hiding her surprise.

"Guardian Petrov," Rose said. "Christian has received another threat. It appears to legitimize the photos. It's got recent newspapers with Moira. We think that they might be real."

There was a beat of silence. "Where are you right now, and who knows about this?"

"We're in our hotel room. No one knows apart from us and you."

"Do you think there's a real threat?"

"The letter implies that court is less safe than the academy." She read it out to Alberta. "But it doesn't specify anything."

"I have to alert the court guardians, just in case." She sounded reluctant. "And I've got to speak to the headmistress. Stay put for now. I'll be in touch."

Rose gave her the number to call back on, and then ran her hand through her hair.

It was just one Strigoi as far as they knew, but they didn't normally threaten like this, not something so personal and taunting.

Christian leaned back against the headboard and shut his eyes. "She's really alive isn't she? Well, alive. You know what I mean."

"I think we have to treat it that way."

"Why now? Why would she even care? Strigoi don't feel. They don't care."

"You're her son. There has to be something there. There original intention was to turn you, wasn't it? When you were older?"

He looked away. "I suppose so."

He tried Liss again, but there was no answer.

She checked the bond, and was surprised to see that Lissa was visiting with the Queen. The shock of the photos had blocked out the anxiety Liss had been feeling about her meeting. Normally Rose would have listened in on the conversation, but this time she pulled straight back and let Christian know.

He tried a different number, and this time the answer was immediate.

"Hi, Aunt Tasha," Christian said.

She listened as Christian explained what had happened, and heard the angry and sad tone from Tasha even if she couldn't hear the words. Christian didn't perk up, but he at least got to vent.

But then the call was over and he went back to staring at the ceiling, or fidgeting, or sighing. She had nothing to say. There was nothing to say.

Eventually, he instructed him, "Stand up."

"What, why?"

"Just do it, will you?"

He did as he was told, and she stood up too. She wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. Her arms went around his middle and her head rested against his shoulder.

He froze for a moment, but then he hugged her back, tightly. She heard his ragged breath, and thought he might be crying, but he didn't say anything. She didn't either.

That would have ruined it. She'd been right in her first instinct. Just giving him a hug was the best thing.

"I'm scared," he admitted, voice barely a whisper.

"Nothing is going to happen to you," her voice was stronger than she thought, even when she made the promise she didn't think she was capable of keeping, "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

He tightened his arms and she tightened hers too.

A knock on the door forced them to separate. Selfishly, she could have stayed there in his arms a lot longer. It felt like forever since she'd last had a hug, especially one from someone bigger, who could full embrace her like that, keep her away from the world, and even in the circumstances she couldn't deny it was nice. She was supposed to be the one protecting him, but something about being wrapped in his arms like that made her feel safe.

She was the one who answered the door. She wasn't exactly expecting to see Moira Ozera on the other side, but it was still good practice.

Who she did see made her a little light-headed. "Comrade," she said, blankly.

"Rose," he replied, standing in front of her in his standard duster, Russian accent thicker than she remembered it. "Alberta called."


	6. Chapter Six

SIX

Christian

Christian hadn't been expecting someone he knew to answer the door, and clearly Rose hadn't been, either. She stiffened completely when she saw Guardian Belikov on the other side of the door, despite her casual greeting.

She let him in and passed him the envelope with the notes. He took it all in his stride. Rose stayed close to the door and stuffed her hands deep into her pockets.

"I didn't realize you were here," she said, carefully, gaze flicking to Christian for a second.

"I'm here temporarily, I'm waiting to be reassigned to a new Moroi." He was always stiff, but it was even worse than normal right now.

None of them knew why Belikov had given up his guardianship of Liss. She was the Last Dragomir, after all, and it was more prestigious than anything he'd be likely to get, especially after having given it up voluntarily.

"I didn't realize you were here, either," he replied. "I knew the Princess and Christian were here, but not you too."

"I wouldn't have expected you to come and say hello." She cleared her throat. He'd never heard her sound so bitter. "So, what do you think? I'm guessing Alberta called because she wanted your opinion on whether this needed to go into the court security-apparatus and end up in the ear of the Queen at some point?"

"Something like that," he replied.

Lissa hadn't especially minded that Belikov had left. She hadn't known him, after all, and one guardian was just about as good as the other, as long as Liss had Rose by her side.

Rose clearly didn't agree. There was something incredibly personal about how she was looking at him now, and he was guessing the disdain in her expression wasn't the only emotion fighting for dominance inside her right now.

That was interesting.

Not surprising, but interesting. She'd trained with him for hours every day, after all, and then he'd upped and left. She probably knew the real reason he'd decided to go, and apparently she didn't agree with it.

He looked at her, "Do you think it's real?"

Her face softened a little. "Yeah, I do."

"Me too," Christian agreed, though he hated to admit it.

He was trying not to think too much. His mom was alive. His mom, who he'd accepted was gone nearly ten years ago.

This would change everything. It wasn't just the fact he was in danger-because if she was back and sending him these things, she obviously intended to come and get him at some point-but it would affect all his relationships, too.

Lissa was about to embark on her new political career. One that was destined to be successful, and integral to the vampire world modernizing. Liss was young and full of good ideas. She could really make a big difference, especially to the cause that was closest to his heart, empowering Moroi to fight for themselves. The last thing she needed was the scandal of his mom returning.

His reputation was always going to be low, but he'd been a child when his parents had been killed. He'd been raised by the woman who had helped kill them. He could rise beyond his past.

But when it was brought back into the present? That would change it all. It would be a weight around Liss's neck.

The Queen would be pressuring her even more than she already did to end things.

Christian wouldn't be able to attend college while his mom was out there and threatening him. He'd be putting other people in danger just by being around them.

"What do you think?" Rose asked, coming to stand beside Belikov and take another look at the pictures. "It doesn't seem like there's an imminent attack planned."

"We don't know how many of them she has, either. If it's just her and a couple then it would take Christian leaving the wards to get to him. He's safe in court and at the academy."

"Are you going to report it?" she asked, clearly hoping he said no. If it wasn't reporting to the Court guards then it would at least remain an internal problem for now. No one else would have to know about it.

"Rose—"

"I'm thinking of Lissa," she said. "Let her get back to the Academy before she has to deal with this. She doesn't even know yet, we haven't been able to get hold of her."

"It's my duty to report it."

"I know. I'm asking you not to."

Christian wanted to look away from them. He felt like he was intruding on something.

"You're flying back today?"

"Yes, this evening."

"Then I won't say anything. But you and Christian should stay here, and get Liss to come here as well. Just in case. I'll call Alberta. She'll be glad this is the outcome as well, I'm sure."

"Thanks, Comrade." There was a beat of silence. "You've been here since you left?"

"Yes." He shifted his weight. "I'm going to take a transfer back to a Russia."

"Wow." She sucked in a breath. "To be closer to your family?"

"To be closer to my family, and to be further away from you." He was teasing her, affection on his face. Christian was sure it was the only time he'd seen any emotion on the man's face, and everything clicked into place.

Rose laughed. "I wasn't planning on hunting you down."

"I think a clean start is a good idea. And how are you?"

"You know, coping."

"Not living on pure rage that you didn't get Vasilisa for the field experience?"

"Extenuating circumstances," she replied. "I don't mind. Alberta said I should get experience guarding someone I didn't have a bond with, now I'm no longer furious, I can see her point." Rose glanced in his direction, as if realizing he was there, "Besides, looks like you need my world class protection."

"They'll stop it getting to that point," Belikov said, shifting his weight once more. "I should go and call Alberta."

Rose hummed, "Yeah. We should try and get in touch with Liss again. Would you go and have a quick look for her when you've spoken to Alberta? I'd appreciate it."

"Of course." He hesitated, then rested a hand on her shoulder for a moment. "Good to see you, Roza."

"You too, Comrade." Her smile was weak, and she deflated when he was gone.

"Well, that was unexpected," Christian said, running his hand through his hair.

"Ah, yeah."

"I guess that explains why he left."

She rubbed the back of her neck. "I suppose he thought that I'd told everyone. I don't think he'd have been so obvious otherwise. Either that or he's getting too used to not working at the Academy." Her lip quirked. "I haven't, by the way, told anyone."

"Well it's none of my business."

He could see it, though, when he tried to imagine it. They were a good fit, really. Both driven and determined, both passionate about their job. He could see why it failed, too.

No wonder Rose was having a hard time. Not just Mason, but Belikov, too.

"I don't want you to have to lie to Liss."

"It's not a lie. It's just not telling her something that will never come up in conversation anyway."

She lay down on the bottom of his bed, staring at the ceiling and taking a deep breath.

"You okay?" he asked.

She laughed. "I should be asking you that."

"Well I'm definitely not okay."

"Yeah, me neither. Dimitri was right, though, you're safe at court and at the academy. It will all be resolved without you being in any danger."

"I don't want someone fixing my problem, putting their lives on the line for me."

Rose shrugged. "That's what we're for. No one will think twice. No one should think twice."

"Yes, they should."

She looked at him, seemed to see straight through him. "I suppose a conversation about Moroi and Dhampir roles in society would definitely pass the time."

He chuckled.

The door opened and Rose rolled off the bed, immediately forming a protective stance.

It was just Lissa and Eddie, though.

Rose relaxed and Liss rushed forward, flinging her arms around him. "Guardian Belikov told me what had happened. I can't believe it."

This wasn't the same as when Rose hugged him. That had actually helped him feel better, let him get his emotions out there so he could think a bit more clearly.

With Lissa, all her felt was guilt. This was going to be so hard on her, and it was all his fault.

If his reluctance to engage with royal politics, and go to a small college, wasn't putting enough doubt in his mind, knowing that he might tank Liss's political career was definitely going to make him rethink what he was doing being with her.


	7. Chapter Seven

SEVEN

Rose

Rose had never considered that she might find the field experience frustrating.

She supposed she'd never considered she might be in this position in her life, either.

The field experience was supposed to be exciting—seeing what it was really like to be a guardian for the first time—but she'd had more than enough experience to know that. She'd spent two years in Portland on constant high alert, and then, when she should have been safe at St. Vlad's, she'd been partly responsible for her close friend dying.

Sitting in the library with Liss, Christian and Eddie and listening to Christian and Liss's circular conversations was actually starting to drain her. It was no wonder that Adrian seemed to be making excuses to spend as much time with them as a group lately.

She should have been grateful. She didn't want excitement, after all. The last thing she wanted was for constant attacks, or to need to feel paranoid and alert all the time, because one slip-up could mean Liss was the next person losing her life.

But the stakes weren't real here, either. She wasn't really learning.

The field experience should have been a constant stressor, showing what the worst possible scenario could be so people would be prepared for it in the unfortunate case that it happened. Fighting a guardian who was not subtle in their approach once every few days didn't prepare her for anything.

"Can you really not even consider Lehigh?" Liss asked, her frustrated whisper becoming less and less library appropriate with every word.

"I didn't say I wasn't considering Lehigh. I said I'd like to consider the University of Pennsylvania as well." Christian's whisper remained even, but she could see the fury behind his eyes.

This argument would end on a stalemate, and it would be ongoing until they'd both accepted college offers. Rose just wanted it to be over.

Liss and Christian were stability she didn't want to end. She wanted to dismiss this as a blip in the road, but she worried for Liss. The things Christian had issues with weren't just temporary problems they'd overcome. He was talking about integral parts of the rest of Liss's life, and she didn't have any answers for him. None of them did.

Rose's answer was that he loved her, more than anything, and that would always be enough, but she refused to get involved enough to share it.

"Going to an open day is so dangerous right now."

"If I don't go now then I never will."

"Is it really so important to consider another college that you'd risk your life?"

Christian ran his hands through his hair, leaning back in his seat, and, unconsciously, further away from her. His fire had been replaced by fatigue. "That's not fair. This is not about other people. It's about me."

"It's about us."

"That's not fair, either."

Rose and Eddie were staring at the textbooks they didn't need to be reading and resisting acknowledging the argument was happening at all.

Christian looked equally as exhausted by it. Liss was the only one with silver fury in her eyes.

"You keep throwing up barriers to every single part of my life that is set in stone," she accused. "The Queen herself has told me it's Lehigh. I wanted to go to the Uni of Pennsylvania too, but she said no."

"This isn't about you," Christian snapped, then immediately reined himself in. "I'm sorry, Liss. But Lehigh is exactly what the Queen wants. Half its students must be royals. It's court but on a college campus. They have their own discrete feeding room there. What do you think I'm going to get out of that? At the Uni of Pennsylvania I can still just about commute to college while living at court, while living with you, but I don't have to deal with people turning their noses up at me every five seconds."

"You read too much into everything! I've not heard anyone say a single thing." The frustrating thing was that Liss genuinely believed it. She might recognize that people didn't necessarily except Christian with the same openness they granted her, but she didn't think they were malicious, either. She wasn't trying to gaslight him into distrusting his instincts. She really didn't see that they were being rude, that they were intentionally slighting him, hoping for a rise.

"Someone doesn't have to tell me they think I'm going to be a Strigoi and they don't want me within six feet of them to let me know it's exactly what they're thinking." He shut the book he hadn't been reading.

Rose prepared herself to get up and have to stride out with him, even though Liss would want her comfort.

"Christian—"

"I'm not imagining it Liss." He glanced at Rose, and she resisted asking him with a pleading look not to get her involved in this. "Rose and Eddie were stood watching that entire breakfast with the Lazars."

Eddie shrank back into his seat, too.

Liss looked straight at her. "Rose am I really missing something?"

"Liss they purposely do it with the intention of you not seeing. It's not that you're just refusing to see it." It was a half-lie, but easier than saying, Yes, yes you're just really missing it.

Liss deflated a little. "Really?"

"It's like Christian says, it's not that they're coming out and saying it, they're just… refusing to be polite, and you know what that means in that kind of culture."

She ran her hands through her hair now, unconsciously copying his gesture. "I didn't realize."

"Maybe you should have trusted me."

Rose glared at him. She wanted to shout not helpful at him.

"But the only way they're going to see that there's nothing to distrust is to spend more time around you."

"That's not how those kind of people work."

"They're not those kind of people. They're just people. You're as prejudiced about them as they are about you."

Christian looked away. "This has gotten very off topic."

"This is always on topic. It's the only thing we talk about nowadays."

"Maybe it's the only thing I think about nowadays."

Christian stood up now, and the guilt was a weight in Rose's stomach as she was forced to stand with him.

Liss didn't look at her like she was being betrayed, there was no resentment through the bond, but Rose still wanted to slap herself. She struggled to keep a straight face.

The field experience was temporary.

She was Liss's guardian, and she shouldn't be disagreeing with her in front of anyone.

Christian strode ahead, and Rose trailed him, lost in her own self-loathing.

She'd undermined Liss, and she'd done it in front of her boyfriend and her other guardian. If she'd been any other royal, Rose would have been fired in an instant. The bond was the only thing keeping her there, and the only good thing about it right now was the fact she could feel Liss wasn't mad at her.

She was infuriated by Christian, though. Infuriated and scared. He was talking about it so much recently she worried he wouldn't be able to get over it. Going to the open day for the Uni of Pennsylvania was just one thing. What would follow? Deciding he wanted to work away from court, too? Deciding he wasn't going to come to any royal events?

It wasn't just that Liss was expected to do these things—she wanted to. She was good at it. She could really make a difference.

But she needed Christian by her side, and she was increasingly worried that he wouldn't be.

Rose had only added to that worry. She was causing her charge worry.

"Would you stop?" Christian snapped her out of her trance, coming to stop in front of her.

It was a good job there weren't any fake Strigoi around, because she was completely lost in her own thoughts. Doing another terrible job at the one thing she was supposed to be able to get right.

She came to a standstill before running into him in the corridor. "What?"

"Looking so guilty. You said one true thing to Liss. You don't have to feel guilty about that."

"I shouldn't be disagreeing with her."

"You're not some slave. You're her friend. You didn't even argue with her, you just said one thing that was true." His eyes blazed with frustration that she knew had nothing to do with her, really.

But it still irked her. He wasn't a dhampir, he didn't understand. "I'm her guardian."

"That doesn't turn you into a robot, you still have thoughts and feelings. You're still allowed to say them."

"Not to the person I'm guarding, not when I disagree with them on anything other than how to keep them safe. Especially not on around other people."

"Do you really think that's what Liss would want? Can you even imagine her face if you'd just said that to her and not to me?"

"She doesn't understand either."

Christian threw his hands up. She worried that he'd actually set something on fire if she wasn't careful. "That makes no sense. You're her guardian, I thought that what she wanted was the only thing that mattered."

"Keeping her safe is the only thing that matters. Keeping her safe from Strigoi, making sure I don't do anything to damage her reputation, or make her unhappy. All of it."

"It's ridiculous." He turned and kept walking. They were nearly at his room, and neither of them wanted this conversation to be overheard.

Christian shut the door behind them and Rose crossed her arms over her chest, leaning against the wall of his room, waiting for another outburst. She didn't mind him taking out his frustration on her—for the moment she was his guardian, after all.

"I just don't understand," he said, but his voice wasn't raised anymore. "How your opinion on it all can have just gone a full one-eighty, like that."

She laughed. "Really?"

"Mason didn't die because you were his friend, and he didn't die because you weren't good enough."

Rose looked away. "That's not true. The last part, anyway. All of it was my fault in the first place, and then I wasn't good enough to save him."

"Becoming some sort of soulless guardian robot isn't the way to feel better."

"It's not about feeling better, it's about making sure no one gets hurt. Especially not Lissa."

"Rose I wouldn't have come to Spokane with you if I didn't feel safe with you, and what happened hasn't changed my opinion. As much as I'm loath to admit it, I'm glad you're here in the field experience, too. I think I'd have been a lot more worried about my mom if you weren't."

Now she definitely couldn't look at him. Her stupid, and very unprofessional, reaction, was to want to cry. She'd barely cried since Mason died and Dimitri left, and she'd been resisting it on purpose. She wasn't going to give into that weakness.

But no one had ever said anything like Christian just had. She'd been forced to give herself the boosts of confidence she needed to keep going—just trying to convince herself that she shouldn't give up and spare Liss the future of an inferior guardian.

"Thank you," she murmured. "That actually helps a lot." She pushed her hair out of her face and laughed awkwardly. "Sorry. Definitely not stoic guardian behavior."

"We've both had a turn at baring our souls now. No reason to do it again." He shifted his weight, scratching the back of his neck. "I meant it, though."

"Yeah, I believe you." And it did help. As much as she should have wanted to argue against him, to lay down the facts of how it was her fault, the fact he really did trust her to keep him safe helped.

"But I'm still annoyed about everything. Let's go and train."

She grinned. "You always know my response to that."

When they had just reached the excluded part of the campus they normally trained at, a small open area not too far from the wards, near Tasha's unoccupied cabin, Christian asked, "Do you think I'm being unreasonable? Should I not go to the open day?"

Rose only hesitated for a moment. "I think you should go. From a safety perspective it's probably a horrible idea, but from the other perspective… I think it's a good idea. You should go."

"Thanks, for being honest."

"If you ask me about that one in front of Liss, you can guarantee I won't be."


	8. Chapter Eight

EIGHT

Christian

Christian hugged Liss and gave her a peck on the lips, trying to keep his smile in check. Her mood was black, and the guilt was starting to sink in.

"Stay safe," she instructed.

"I will. Rose is coming with me, and a bunch of other novices, and a handful of guardians. Nothing is going to happen." They were flying out to Philadelphia for the open day, and Lissa was full of resentment. He was trying not to let it affect his own mood.

"And you're sure you want to go?"

"I'm going, I'm sorry Liss. It's only two days."

"But what if it turns into four years?"

"Even then, it'll only be during the day." He kissed her again, and then turned around to walk onto the tarmac, Rose by his side instead of trailing behind him for a change.

"How upset is she?" he asked her.

"Pretty bad, but she'll be fine. She's going to go and practice her magic with Adrian, it'll take her mind off things."

He always felt a flare of jealousy at the mention of him, but it was less severe than usual. "Good." He just wanted her to accept that he wasn't trying to put wedges in their relationship, but he couldn't do everything she was either. Not and retain his sanity, anyway.

They were flying out this afternoon and then staying the night. The open day was tomorrow, and they'd be making the long flight back in the evening.

He settled into his seat beside Rose, and sighed in relief. They were on their way. He shouldn't have felt excited by the idea of two days away from Liss, but every single time they spoke to each other at the moment it ended in an argument. For two days he was going to resist thinking about it. He wasn't going to let himself decide what he thought of the Uni of Pennsylvania based on what Liss would think about it. He was just going to go and take a look around, and see if he could imagine himself there.

"So," Rose said at his side. "What is it that you actually want to study?"

He lifted a shoulder. "I'm not really sure yet. The options that are relevant to Moroi life are kind of limited."

"Yeah, but so is how valuable a degree is when you're living a royal Moroi's life." She shrugged. "It's more about the prestige of having done it, isn't it?"

"Sure."

"So study whatever you think you'd enjoy."

He glanced away.

"What?" she asked.

"Well, I'd always assumed that when I left St. Vlad's I would be going to live among humans, so I'd always planned on doing something practical at college. Something that would give me a head start for a real job." The thought of it was still more appealing than it should have been. Just moving away and starting afresh, without any of the looks or the prejudice. Finding something he was really good at and spending his life doing that.

Not feeling obligated cast his eyes down and be extra polite because he was the outsider, the untrusted one whose bad genes might meant he became Strigoi any second. If it wasn't for Liss, that still would have been his plan.

"What was your plan?" She turned sideways in her seat slightly, resting her head against the back of her chair, and looked genuinely interested to hear the answer.

And he was happy to tell her. He'd never had this conversation with Liss because knowing that he still felt the draw of that life would have upset her, and only led to more arguments.

"I was going to move to Washington. That's where I'd decided. It's near Aunt Tasha, and Seattle is a huge city. I could just blend in. Not too much sunshine. I'd still never decided exactly what I was going to study, but I'd leaned towards Law, or languages. My Russian is good, and whenever I look into US human politics that seems like a valuable skill." He shrugged, "It was still a while off when I fell in love with Lissa. I hadn't nailed it all down."

"I really liked the North West. Portland was great. I'm sure Seattle would be similar." She almost looked nostalgic.

He'd talked to Liss about her time away from the Academy, but never Rose. Liss looked on it fondly, but she'd always been glad that they came back and she learned to understand what her magic was, and to retake her place in society.

"What about you?" he asked, not expecting her to give him a real answer. "Does the idea of going back to living among the humans appeal?"

"There was no expectation," she said, "It was just me and Liss living our lives, you know? But maybe it's just the fact Mason and Dimitri hadn't happened that I'm missing." For the first time of her mentioning Spokane, she didn't look like she might fall into a crisis. "I did like it though, when we were in Portland. I just felt… normal." She shrugged. "It sounds stupid, I know."

"No, it really doesn't." He still struggled with the mentality Rose had fallen into, that all that mattered was protecting Lissa at any cost. She'd already been like that, he had no doubt she would have always done whatever it took to protect Liss, but now she seemed to think that meant sacrificing having a personality to do it. "What would you study?"

"I'll study whatever Liss does."

"I know, but if you were choosing."

"History."

His lip quirked. "You've thought about it then?" he teased.

Her smile was weak. "You can't stop yourself thinking about it."

"You shouldn't have to," he muttered, looking out of the window at the Academy descending beneath them.

He refused to end their conversation on that note when there were six more hours of flying to go, though. "So, want to play I, Spy?"


	9. Chapter Nine

NINE

Rose

They'd arrived in Philadelphia without a hitch, and the group of Moroi, novices and guardians had all settled into their rooms at the airport hotel St. Vlad's had booked.

Rose and Christian had a twin room, and he was sleeping soundly at the side of her. Their sleeping schedules were all messed up due to the timezone change and needing to adjust to human time for the open day.

She blamed that for her still being awake, rather than the laps her thoughts had decided to take her on today.

For once, they were in the present rather than the past. She wasn't agonizing over Mason and Dimitri, but about how things had changed since the field experience started.

She and Christian had spent the entire flight just chatting, and by the time they landed she was relaxed. Excited, even. Instead of being stifled with anxiety at being away from the safety of the wards of St. Vlad, she was alert and happy, doing her job but not spending the entire time imagining the worst case scenario. She had her real silver stake in her pocket, and the support of the other guardians.

So she'd let herself keep chatting to Christian, getting excited about the open day tomorrow. Admitting that she was interested to see what college life was like compared to a year ago, and compared to the west coast. That it was so long since she'd even been around other humans that it was exciting.

Now, laying away and staring at the ceiling, the guilt was rearing its ugly head.

Rose didn't deserve to feel excited or happy at all. After everything that had happened, that she'd allowed and caused to happen, happiness should have been the furthest thing from her mind for the rest of her life, and that reality had come crashing back down when Christian wasn't awake and distracting her from the reality of what had happened in Spokane.

Not only that, but she was having fun when she knew Liss was struggling back at the Academy. She'd been in a foul mood all day about the fact Christian was here, and Rose was enjoying it, choosing to ignore the bond. She was supposed to be Liss's guardian, and she was glad that Liss wasn't here.

What kind of person did that make her? What kind of guardian? What kind of friend?

She stared at the ceiling, willing her mind to shut up and let her go to sleep.

She badly wanted to wake up in a good mood in the morning, to still want to go and complete the open day, to just enjoy herself, even if she knew she didn't deserve it.

Since the field experience, her mind had been at war with itself. Christian, somehow, really seemed to understand what she was going through and how to cheer her up, but any happiness caused the nagging feeling she shouldn't be letting herself go there.

It was exhausting.

Exhausting and a cause of insomnia, naturally.

Christian whimpered on the bed at the side of hers, and her turbulent thoughts cleared. She sat up and looked at him. He was started to twist and turn underneath his comforter. He might not have woken her up he was so quiet, but he was obviously having a nightmare.

She hesitated. His nightmare would probably pass, and he might resent her waking him up and them acknowledging the fact he'd had it in the first place.

He whimpered again, and she slid out of the bed. Pausing again, she sat on the side of his bed and rested her hand on his arm. "Christian." He thrashed away from her, and she was more firm, gripping him tightly and leaning closer. "Christian," she said, louder this time. "Wake up. You're dreaming. It's me. It's Rose. You're safe."

She thought she was going to have to shake him awake, but all of a sudden his eyes had snapped open and he was gripping her arms back. He sat bolt upright, and his face was at her throat.

Rose was frozen, in surprise, and a shiver of anticipation she couldn't shake. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail, and Christian, who must have still been half asleep, was clearly thinking about one thing only. His fangs grazed her throat, and her eyes slipped shut. She could already feel the bliss of the bite, the euphoria that would take over as soon as he pierced the skin.

He caught himself before he bit her. His grip on her forearms tightened and he rested his forehead against her throat instead, taking a breath, and then laying back down. "Sorry. God, I'm sorry, Rose."

"It's fine." She was trying to stabilize herself as well, to get over the disappointment he hadn't bitten her, to get over the fact she'd wanted him to. "You were dreaming."

He ran his hands over his face. "Normally I just wake up and stare at the ceiling for a while then eventually go back to sleep."

"I'd been doing that, which is the only reason I realized you were having a nightmare."

Pushing himself into a sitting position, he grabbed the glass of water from his bedside table. "I always dream I'm in Spokane. Even though I fed when we landed, I always wake up from those dreams feeling like I haven't had blood in days." He gulped down the water.

"We can go to the feeders again if you like."

"No. Definitely not."

"It's not—"

"No, it's me. I've always been squeamish about feeding," he admitted, averting his eyes. "Ever since my parents. There's something about it that always been difficult for me, even though I have to do it every day. I don't know, the knowledge that one day maybe what snapped in my parents will snap in me, it's what everyone else thinks. Anyway, it's fine normally, but in Spokane, I've never been that thirsty before. When I came to melt your cuffs, it took all my willpower not to bite you." He balled his hands into fists. "I don't know if I'd have been able to stop if I had done."

She wanted to pull him into a hug, but resisted the temptation. She knew for a fact he'd have never told anyone this before, not even Lissa. "You would have stopped." That she had no doubt about. "I know you would have stopped. And I know that you're nothing like your parents."

He shrugged. "Still, every time I have that nightmare that feeling comes back, and I hate it. Even when I woke up, I came this close to biting you." He held his hands up, thumb and forefinger almost touching. "You should have pushed me away."

It was her turn to avert her eyes, to decide how honest she wanted to be after he'd just admitted something so personal. "Yeah, I should have done, but part of me wanted you to bite me." She rubbed her hand over her neck. "When you've been bitten once it's impossible not to want it again. It feels amazing. I should have pushed you away, but yeah. Part of me wanted you to. A bigger part than I'd expected."

She wished she'd never been bitten, that she wasn't constantly cursed with that temptation.

"You had to let Lissa bite you. To survive. You don't have to feel guilty about the inevitable outcome."

"Maybe not, but I still do." She chuckled. "And I know there's not really anything I can say to make your thing better, either, but I trust you. If you'd bitten me in Spokane, I wouldn't have thought for a moment that you wouldn't stop."

Any tension or awkwardness in the room dissipated. "That does actually help. In fact, being able to talk to you about all of this stuff has helped, a surprising amount."

"Yeah, me too." She had to admit it. Talking to Christian had actually been about the only thing that had made her happy since Spokane, which was crazy to think about in itself. And something that only made her guiltier when that happiness had faded. "The field experience has definitely been more therapeutic than I was anticipating."

She still felt the impulse to give him a hug, and resisted. Waking him up in the middle of a nightmare, almost being bitten, being honest, it was all more intimate than she'd expected. The fact she wanted him to wrap his arms around her and give her comfort would have crossed a line, she knew. He was still Christian, no matter how their relationship had changed slightly, and she wasn't going to do anything that might accidentally stand on Liss's toes.

"Yeah," he agreed with a chuckle, showing his fangs unabashedly. "Maybe the boycott on heart to hearts was premature."

"We should really try and not boycott sleep, though. It's not that long until we have to be up."

He groaned. "Yeah, we should sleep."

She stood up, and slid back into her own bed, shutting her eyes and not feeling tired. She wanted to lay and keep talking to him, but resisted.

"Thanks, Rose," he said softly.

"Thank you, too." She forced her eyes closed again, and willed sleep to come quickly.


	10. Chapter Ten

TEN

Christian

Despite everything the night before, Christian woke up feeling refreshed.

Refreshed and like he'd crossed a line. He'd never told Lissa anything about his feeding squeamishness. It was something so personal and embarrassing that he'd really thought he'd never tell anyone, but it had slipped out with Rose last night.

He wasn't sure what about her had made him be honest, but he'd had the overwhelming urge to say it, and he hadn't regretted it. He might not know what her exact reaction was going to be, but he knew it would be the right one. He wanted to be honest with her, but this time he'd gone too far.

She wasn't family, she was Liss's best friend, and he couldn't go baring his soul to her because he'd had a nightmare and she made him feel better. He'd almost asked Rose not to mention this to Liss the night before, and that had solidified it.

He would be keeping his soul to himself from now one.

And his relationship issues, too. The last thing Christian wanted to do was make anything awkward between Liss and Rose.

They took it in turns to get ready in the bathroom, then went downstairs to join the rest of the students and guardians from St. Vlad's. Rose seemed a bit more subdued than yesterday, too, but he didn't question her.

Before long they were soon lost in exploring the campus and the different faculty buildings. Rose stuck close by his side, and was clearly on high alert the entire time.

He felt safe with her there. He knew that he was perfectly capable of defending himself, but he'd been on edge since receiving the threats from his mom, and having Rose there calmed him more than it should have done.

It was hard to admit to himself that he would miss having her there when the field experience was over. He was so against the strict hierarchy of Dhampir and Moroi, but he had to allow that having Rose by his side helped. Knowing that she would do whatever she could to protect him made him feel protected.

He wasn't sure if that would have been any guardian, or just Rose, though.

The day was long and busy. With such a large group of Moroi, there was a lot of ground to cover, and the guardians were against splitting up. It was dark by the time they finally left the library, which had been the final stop on their tour.

Christian was tired, but excited. "I like it," he said simply to Rose as the guardians explained what they'd be doing now.

"Good. Do you think this is the one, then?"

There were things at other colleges he'd liked the sound of, that he would have liked to visit more, just to see. But between here and Lehigh, this was definitely the place for him. He liked the business, the scale of it, the relaxed feel. "Yeah, I think so."

He wasn't looking forward to telling Liss that this was the one, but they were going to have to meet in the middle. He wasn't saying that he would never go to any royal events, he just didn't want it to be the sole focus of his life, and going to a larger, more distant college would help that.

If she couldn't see that, and didn't think they could compromise, then he didn't know where they could go from there. He refused to entertain the thought that there was nowhere to go, that it had to be over if they couldn't find a middle ground.

"How is Liss?" he asked. They were walking across campus to the car park where the two minibuses they'd hired were parked.

"She's okay," Rose said. "She's just woken up. She's still stressed."

He sighed. "I'm sure the outcome of the trip isn't going to make her any less stressed."

"She'll adjust."

Christian wasn't sure about that. And why should she have to? Why should she accept that she was never going to have someone by her side at these events like she wanted? Didn't she deserve someone who wanted to always be with her, no matter where? Who enjoyed the same things she did? Maybe she should stop catering to him and find someone better.

"Stop being gloomy," Rose instructed. "It's been a good day."

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right."

Rose's mood shifted as they walked into the large parking lot, which was mostly empty by now. Plenty of the lights were out, and they were the only people around.

They were such a large group that the chances of them being attacked were slim, but Rose clearly wasn't taking any chances.

And then the attack did come.

From all sides, people with shining red eyes appeared. A shout went up from a large guardian at the front, and the guardians dropped into formation, creating a circle around the Moroi and novices. There must have been fifteen Strigoi to six guardians and ten novices. They weren't quite outnumbered, but there were more Strigoi than he'd ever seen together in his life, and it normally took more than one guardian to kill a Strigoi.

Rose stood in front of him, pulling her stake and prepared to join the fight as soon as required. She could have jumped straight into the fray, but she stayed right in front of him, so close her back was almost against his chest, and waited until someone threatened him.

His magic pulsed through him. He didn't need to get into the middle of the fight to be helpful.

The situation was chaos. The Strigoi descended on them with their supernatural speed and it didn't take long for the formation to break. Novices tried to join the fight, the Strigoi were coordinated and knew how to separate the guardians.

Christian did his best to set Strigoi on fire without guardians getting into his eyeline. He set their heads ablaze, stopping them being able to see or hear, and giving a guardian time to stake it.

It wasn't long before they realized what a threat he was, and pairs of red eyes focused in on him.

Rose stiffened in front of him, and her stance got more aggressive. "Focus on the ones coming toward us," she instructed. "You set on fire, I'll stake."

"Got it."

It was easier said than done, though. Two descended on them, moving so quickly that it was hard to keep his eyes on them nevermind keep them on fire. He set one ablaze, and Rose immediately moved forward to slide her stake through its heart.

The Strigoi were naturally graceful, but so was Rose. She moved easily, like it was a choreographed dance.

The second one slammed into her side and sent her sprawling across the ground and he hurried to use his magic, encasing its head in a more intense fire than the ones he'd been using so far.

Rose didn't hesitate, though. She rolled back to her feet and got her stake between its ribs.

They were still coming. Another two had diverted their attention towards Christian and his muscles and the prolonged, powerful use of his magic were starting to overpower the adrenaline.

He would keep going until he passed out, but he worried that would be sooner rather than later.

They both attacked Rose at once, diving toward her in flashes of movement it was hard to follow. She dodged one, but the other grabbed her arms and bared its teeth. She struggled, and he set its head on fire. She went to stake it, but the other attacked from behind, sinking its fangs into her shoulder and tearing a piece of flesh away and shirt away. She cried out, but forced the stake between the distracted Strigoi's heart anyway, even as the one behind her reached for her head.

Christian cried out, "Behind you," though it would have been obvious to her what it was doing, and tried to redirect his magic to the new threat.

If it got hold of her head, her neck would be snapped in seconds.

But Christian got there in time. The fire was hot enough to kill the Strigoi without needing the stake, but it sucked the last of his stamina.

So when something grabbed him from behind, he couldn't fight it. He was pulled to the ground by one powerful hand around his neck.

His head slammed against concrete and his vision blurred. Above him was a Strigoi and its food was about to slammed down on his throat. It would snap his neck. He'd be dead immediately. There was something like hesitation in its movements, though.

It gave Rose an opening.

Rose collided with the red-eyed monster, launching herself off the ground and toward him. It was enough to distract the monster from Christian, but it just meant the Strigoi's attention was on her, and it was angry. The other guardians were occupied. There was no one to help when it swatted at her, knocking her sideways and back to the ground.

She struggled to her feet, grip still secure on her stake, and barely dodged as it came at her again.

Christian wanted to shout, but his mouth wasn't moving. He forced his hand into a fist, vision still blurry, blackness descending on it, and forced the magic to listen to his command. It was a weak fire, and not covering the Strigoi's whole head, but it worked. It was enough.

Rose got her stake through its heart, and it fell, dead, to the ground.

Rose standing over it, breathing heavily, bleeding, and looking straight at him was the last thing he saw before he passed out.


	11. Chapter Eleven

ELEVEN

Rose

Rose could barely stand. Everything was in agony, especially her shoulder, which had a huge chunk of it missing.

She forced herself back to Christian's side, though. Standing with her stake ready for the next attack.

The Strigoi numbers were thinning, though. Christian's magic had turned the tides on the battle, and several burned heads littered the ground.

She scanned the area, wanting to wake Christian up, to drop to her knees and double-check he was still alive even though she could see the rise and fall of his chest, but if she was distracted and a Strigoi came for her, she'd definitely be dead.

She was probably going to die if that happened anyway.

No one was looking at her now the fire had stopped taking out the monsters, though.

No one except one. One Strigoi on the edge of the battle who didn't look like she'd fought at all.

Ice blue eyes ringed in red met her gaze.

Rose's breath caught in her throat.

It was Moira Ozera. There was no denying it. Right there and staring at her son, and now at Rose.

Rose gripped her stake tighter.

This was all about Christian. The whole reason this attack had happened was for Christian, because they wanted to take him. The focus on him hadn't even been about the fire, it was him. It was why the Strigoi hadn't crushed his throat - it wasn't because she'd been quick enough.

Her blood ran cold. And she'd almost let him be killed, or taken. Taken was what Moira would want.

Moira cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted loudly to the remaining Strigoi, sounding the retreat.

They obeyed immediately. So she was in charge.

The moment they were gone, Rose dropped to her knees at Christian's side and checked his pulse. It was still strong. He'd just exhausted himself using too much magic. "Christian," she said, resisting the urge to shake him awake. "Christian wake up."

It took a few more, increasingly loud, times saying his name, but his eyes flickered open and he groaned. "I'm awake."

"You need to be up. We're going to the minibus, we have to get out of here, to somewhere safer."

The guardians were hurrying to rally the Moroi and novices toward the minibus, and she'd given Yuri, who was leading the group, the nod that she would handle Christian.

She was resisting looking at the novice and Moroi bodies that weren't going to be joining them.

He tried to push himself up and struggled. She helped him up, though her own legs shook so violently she worried she wouldn't be able to keep them both upright.

They made it to the minibus by leaning on each other, and sank into the closest pair of chairs. Christian slumped against the window and Rose rested her head on the seat in front. Her hand was still so tight around her stake it was starting to cramp, but she didn't dare let go.

She was going to have to tell Christian what she'd seen, and she knew he wasn't going to take it well.

The minibus set off and they left the chaos behind. She knew there'd be phone calls being made for people to go and clean up the destruction, and to collect the bodies of the students who hadn't made it. She thought she'd seen two dead novices, and a Moroi, when she'd been surveying it. And Celeste was looking on the edge of death, passed out in the front seat of the bus. She needed emergency medical attention.

She wished they were closer to Liss.

She jumped when a hand rested on hers, uncurling her fingers from the stake and letting it drop into her lap. "It's over," Christian said.

She took a shaky breath. "Yeah." It was only just beginning. If that was Moira Ozera, then it was only just beginning. And she'd coordinated fifteen Strigoi. That was the largest group Rose had ever heard of.

Christian was even paler than usual, and there was blood on his neck from being slammed against the ground. "How are you?" she asked.

"I'm fine. Just tired. I used too much magic. Well, I used as much as I could."

"You saved all our lives," she replied, and meant it. "Without that we'd have all been dead."

"That's—"

"No, it is true. It's absolutely true. You saved my life especially."

"And you saved mine, so we're even."

They were too exhausted to smile. "I guess we're a pretty good team," Rose said. "That was unexpected as well."

He finally did laugh, though it turned quickly to a grimace. "I wish Liss was here to heal your shoulder." He made her lean forward, hand on her arm. "It's bleeding too heavily." He pulled his jacket off and winced even before he pushed it against the wound. "Sorry."

She hissed in pain, but shook her head. "Thanks."

From the back of the bus, someone collapsed into sobs and Rose felt tears pull at her own eyes. When she'd first been rescued from Spokane by Dimitri, she hadn't stopped crying for hours.

"How many people didn't make it?" Christian asked, keeping his voice low.

"I think three, but it could be more."

He shook his head. "I've never heard of anything like that before. There were so many."

"Me neither."

"I wonder how many Moroi here are fire users." He shook his head.

"Well I think you're probably going to have plenty of converts from today even if they didn't help in the fight." Surely no one could come that close to death and have been saved because of Christian's magic and still be on the side of Moroi not at least learning how to defend themselves for extreme situations.

He ran his right hand through his hair and winced when he felt the wound there. His left hand still held the jacket tight to Rose's shoulder.

She wanted to talk over the crying of the Moroi at the back of the bus, but the words wouldn't come. She rested her hand on her stake, but it didn't make her feel any better.

At the hotel, they were seen to quickly, but their injuries weren't life threatening and she only needed her wound disinfecting and bandaging. Christian needed to go to the feeders to get his energy back up, but he ignored her instructions to go while she was seen to by the doctors that had been called, and stuck by her side.

They went through what had happened with Yuri, who was taking everyone's account. She was one of the first he came to, one of the only ones still with a straight face, and who had been in the thick of the fighting.

She kept Moira Ozera's presence a secret for now. That was something she needed to tell Christian first. She wasn't going to drop it on him in front of anyone.

"You did well," Yuri said. "Both of you. Your magic saved my life," he said solemnly to Christian. "It probably saved all our lives. If I had a voice to advocate offensive use, I would be doing." He rested his hand on Christian's shoulder briefly, and then was onto the next person.

"Come on," Rose said, no less exhausted than when she'd been hobbling toward the minibus. "Let's go and get some rest."

First, though, she needed to tell Christian about his mom, and she wasn't sure either of them would be getting any sleep after that.


	12. Chapter Twelve

TWELVE

Christian

Christian collapsed onto his bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling a lot better after having visited the feeders.

Using magic wasn't just fatiguing on his mind and energy, it pulsed through every muscle in his body and made them ache, too.

He felt like he could have slept for a week, but his mind continued to race, preventing it.

That and Rose was perched on the edge of her bed, looking at him and frowning.

"What is it?" he asked, frowning too. "What's on your mind?"

"I—"

He'd never seen her like this before. She didn't hesitate to say anything unless it was personal, but this was even worse than that. "Rose." He sat back up, wanting stupidly to reach for her. He forced that urge away. "What's wrong?"

"I saw your mom. At the battle."

It was like she had punched him. "What?"

"It was when you'd passed out. I was standing next to you, making sure no one else came, and I saw her staring straight at me. I'm sure of it. She was looking right at me, and at you. She was there."

Christian didn't think he was breathing. His head swam. He thought he might pass out.

"She was there," he repeated, dumbly. "She can't have been."

Rose went to stand up, then sat herself down again. "It seemed like she was in charge. She was the one who told them to back off, at the end."

So it was his fault.

People had died, and he was responsible. They'd had confirmation now. Three novices, two Moroi, and a guardian in critical condition. All because of him. Because he'd been stupid enough to leave the Academy, because he hadn't taken his mom's threats seriously.

"Don't," Rose said, standing up this time and crouching in front of him, forcing herself into his eyeline. "It's not your fault."

He laughed. "Right. Of course it isn't. My mom led an attack on me and people died, but it's not my fault."

"It's her fault. It's the Strigoi's fault. And we never could have guessed they'd be organized like that, you know that."

"I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it's not going to work."

Her lip quirked. "Oh, I know. I'm the queen of guilt. But I'm going to try anyway."

"People died," he said again. "Five people killed because of my mom."

"So many more people saved because of you."

"If she wanted to take me I should have just gone."

"No." She gripped his forearms so hard it hurt, and he looked at her again. Her brown eyes were fierce. "Absolutely not. There's no way in hell you're sacrificing yourself to that monster."

"Rose—"

"No."

"Okay." He was too much of a coward to let himself go to a Strigoi knowing the goal was to turn him, anyway. Death was one thing, but becoming one of those creatures was something else entirely.

Rose squeezed his arms then let go. "I'm so sorry this is happening."

"Me too." His fingers brushed for a second across the tape holding her bandage in place. "I guess that one is my fault too, then." He almost touched her bust lip, or the cheek where a bruise would be blossoming soon. "And those too."

She chuckled. "Please, they're nothing. Even if they were your fault they wouldn't be anything to feel bad about."

It didn't make him feel better, but he forced the smile onto his face.

"Just get some rest," she said, standing up. "We can talk about it more in the morning. Or, whatever time it'll be after you've slept for a bit. Our schedule is completely ruined. But you're exhausted."

"You too." She really did look wiped out. "We'll talk in a bit."

"Okay." She seemed to deflate, collapsing onto the bed herself, and then making a strangled noise when she landed on her wound.

Guilt continued to pulse through him, and it wasn't going to stop any time soon.

They turned the lights out and Rose fell immediately to sleep.

He wasn't so lucky.

His mom being at the fight changed everything.

It wasn't just the guilt about the people who had been lost or hurt today.

It was about the future, too. She wasn't going to stop, and if she had that many people at her side then she might even be able to get enough to attack the Academy. He would be putting anyone he was around in danger. Going back to St. Vlad's would put Liss in danger, and hundreds of kids, most of them barely even teenagers.

And everyone would know. There would be no keeping this secret. People would know it was his mom, and his reputation would be back at rock bottom. Liss would be tainted by association. She wouldn't be able to do anything without their relationship being a black mark against her name.

He'd already made his decision about what to do next. The real task was going to be accomplishing it.

Rose was asleep and after the day they'd just had, he hoped she would be fast asleep and not easy to disturb.

He slipped out of bed and grabbed his backpack from the floor beside the bed. It had everything in it except his toothbrush and toothpaste. He could buy another of those.

There were a lot of things he was going to need to buy. His first stop would be the bank, and then getting out of the city as quickly as possible.

He'd only just started to move the handle on the hotel room door when Rose stirred. He shut his eyes and prayed she wouldn't wake up.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Just go back to sleep, Rose."

But when he opened his eyes she was getting out of bed, still in her jeans and sweater, and staring him down. "You're really going to do this?" she asked. "Put your backpack down and stop being ridiculous."

"I'm not being ridiculous." He bristled. "Five people just died because of me, I'm not going to stick around and put other people in danger. I'm not going to go back to campus and put all those kids in danger, put Liss in danger. It's not the right thing to do and you know it."

"The Academy is safe. Running off on your own is suicide. You told me you weren't planning on doing anything like that." She took a step forward, and he knew she was going to attempt to get between him and the door. He wasn't stupid—now Rose had caught him, it would be a case of convincing her or staying. He wasn't going to be able to outrun her.

"I'm not doing this because I want to be found and killed. I want to be a distraction to my mom to stop her finding a way to attack the Academy before the guardians get enough people to take her down safely."

Rose took the opportunity to slip between him and the door, resting her back against it and looking up at him. There was barely any space between them. His skin prickled with heat as he stared her down, and that was a very new issue he didn't want to delve any further into, either.

"Just stay. She won't attack the Academy."

"I can't do it. I won't be responsible for anyone else getting hurt."

"I'm not going to just let you walk out of here."

"I know, but you can't keep an eye on me forever."

"Yes, I can."

He believed it, too. She would sleep deprive herself until they were back on the jet and he was trapped in the Academy.

"Rose," he said, imploring. "This isn't just about me. This is about Liss, too. I don't want to put her in danger, and being near her is putting her in danger."

"Don't play that card on me."

"It's true, though."

And he could see her waiver. Liss was the most important thing in the world to her. She would never do anything to put her in danger, even if that effectively meant sacrificing him to do it. He didn't doubt that.

"And I can handle myself," he pressed. "I'm not defenceless out there. I'm not an idiot, either. I'm not going to let myself be caught outside in the dark, or go anywhere secluded. I'm just running a distraction while Liss convinces people it's worthwhile to hunt my mom down and stop her doing what she's doing."

"It's a stupid idea."

"It's the only one I've got that seems like it might work."

They stared each other down, and Christian's heart thrummed in his chest. She was wavering. She was going to let him go. A part of him wished she would stop him, that she would keep trying to protect him.

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine. Let me grab my bag."

"What—"

"Don't be an idiot, Christian. If you're doing it, you're not doing it on your own. I'm not just queen of guilt, I'm also queen of escaping St. Vlad's and being on the run for two years, though I seriously hope you're not intending this to take that long."

"No, Rose—"

"Yes. If you're dead set on doing this then I'm coming with you, and you will not convince me otherwise. We're a pretty good team, remember? If anyone is going to be able to survive out there, then it's us." She took a deep breath, and the doubt in her gaze was obvious.

"I don't want you to hurt Liss," he said. "She'll be devastated."

"She'll understand. She'll be glad I'm with you."

"This is going to get you into so much trouble."

"I'd rather get into trouble than wake up to the news you're dead and I wasn't there to at least try and stop it." Her face was set, and he allowed himself to be relieved. He wasn't going to admit it, but this whole thing would be less traumatizing with Rose by his side.

"Thank you."

She grabbed her own bag from the floor and took a bit extra time packing their things. "You should write a note," she said. "Explain why we're actually doing this. Adrian will dreamwalk me when he realizes what we've done, and I can explain things to Lissa then. But people need to know it's about your mom if they're going to try and hunt her down like you say."

He scribbled something out, and then Rose added to the end a PS. I'm sorry Liss, I wasn't letting him make this stupid decision on his own.

"I doubt that's going to do much to make her feel better," he muttered.

"It'll have to do," she said, taking a deep breath. Her face was still impressively blank. "Well, let's go, then. It's ten AM local time. The flight out of here is supposed to leave at two PM. We need to be long gone by then."

Christian nodded, and then pulled her into a hug. It was quick but tight, and he wasn't sure why he'd been compelled to do it. He'd already said his thank you, and didn't repeat it.

He was surprised when she held him back just as tightly.

They pulled away and he tried to straighten his own face into something resembling a game face.

"Well," he said, taking a deep breath. "Let's do this thing.


End file.
